Many nights I sit alone and think, "am I living my life to the fullest?" The answer is no. However, I do plan on changing that fact. But how does one go about that? In some cases, it's as simple as walking away from toxic situations. In others, you have to face them head on. I could make excuses, but what would be the point of that? The "perfect" childhood escaped me, and I have had a tendency to use that as a crutch. But now that I'm a father, I actually use the pains that tortured me as a guide for what to/what not to do for my children.
When I tear away all my boundaries that keep me from letting people get close to me, I reflect on them. I want them to have tough skin, but I pray that they never have the bitterness that has driven me. By no means am I a perfect father, and even farther from being a perfect MAN. But I made a vow 8+ years ago to do whatever I had to do to provide parenthood the best way I could. There are things about me that they are too young to understand...why do I have earrings, tattoos, and drink "daddy" juice out of the cabinet...you know, typical adult-child relationship questions. I know that I can be hard on them. But, this world is gonna be much harder on them than I can ever be. And I want them to be as prepared for that as possible. I want them to feel comfortable talking to me about anything. Truth be told, considering they're both girls, that may be more uncomfortable for me than they can ever imagine. But I'd rather they hear things from me. I win all battles now, because of their ages. But there will come a time when I'll have to let them go. I can only hope that I provide them with enough tools to make a difference. That they can learn from my mistakes. And that they become better people than the person that I am. I don't say that to say I'm a terrible person, but if I can help them avoid some of my life pitfalls, then I know that I did an OK job.
You don't get time off as a parent. Single parents have it that much tougher. I know quite a few, and they are handling their business. This post is not a knock on people who don't have kids...it's simply an ode to the parents who are taking care of their kids, the best way THEY know how...
