Sunday, October 31, 2010

Only the strong

Pride can be a beast.  I recently encountered my own spell.  Being locked up in the house for about a week can really work the mind.  And of course, due to my stubborness, I decided to keep my issues to myself.  Well, my head has been hurting since Tuesday.  I still can't seem to put a finger on why it happened, but it did.  And as I write this blog, I still feel a little woosy.  I haven't been eating, reading, writing, or going to the gym.  I tried to stay away from work, but then I gave it a go on Thursday and paid the price.  Even going to the Bobcat game didn't seem to help. 

I don't know how to reach out sometimes and say that I need "help".  My pride won't let me.  I usually know what's causing my issues, but this time was different.  And while I've tried to figure it out, I resorted to my usual stance of going at it on my own.  I won't get too deep into why, but Saturday I started to turn it around.  Asking for assistance isn't a bad thing.  It's just not something that I'm accustomed to doing.  It always feel like I'm placing my burdens on someone else's shoulders.  That's not my purpose in life.  That's not why I'm here.  I try to provide the strength that others need.  How can I do that when I'm not at full strength?  And because of my pride, how would you know when I'm not?  I hear it all..."you can't be there for're human let things consume you..."  And as much as I hate to admit it, those people who tell me that are right (don't tell them I said that). 

I'm still the same soldier that I've always been.  Just had a little chink in my armor.  But I'm not going anywhere.  I'll distance myself from everyone from time to time.  But that doesn't mean that I've jumped ship.  I just need to recharge my batteries.  I just need to catch my breath.  Because of that, I continue to carry my pride like a championship banner.  I just wish that it would allow me to allow you in sometimes...Still growing everyday. 

1 comment:

  1. Wow, did I ever feel this post. I have been there soooo many times myself. I usually tell people that They don't need to be in my business, but in all honesty it's pride.

    Hope you feel better soon, I am loving this blog.