Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Where have I been?

The number 1 question on most peoples minds have been just that.  Well, I've been taking time to reflect of life, as I know it.  You know how you have a plan, and it just doesn't go the way you expect it?  How to react to that is exactly what I've been dealing with.  I forgot how important I am to ME.  The best lessons are the ones that you learn thru failure.  My career path is not the one that I'm supposed to be on.  However, I haven't taken the proper strides to get to where I truly belong.  I've stalled at the gates, if you will.  I do feel good about the fact that I have gotten more focused on my poetry book, that I WILL complete.  But that's another story.

No matter what you do, if you put forth half-ass efforts you will always get half-ass results.  I think back to the days where I would get angry at the drop of a hat, and it was nothing for me to explode on whoever was around.  I took a stance & decided to change that aspect of my life.  You've heard me say time and time again that I stick to myself.  However, during that process I would think of/and do nothing.  I just felt like, in due time this will pass.  This time, I decided to be more open to changing that.  Maybe I didn't talk about what was really in my head, but I did talk.  I still read.  And I still wrote.  I even mustered up the strength to do some research on what my true profession should and will be.  I'm not supposed to be verifying whether or not cables and poles are placed correctly in a database...I'm supposed to be a Sports Agent.  When I began that journey, I was wide open.  I wouldn't even allow the thought of failure to enter my mind.  But, such as life, I reached a point where I had to take a break from my classes and thus, lost momentum.  There are a few people who actually knows about this desire.  However, no one ever thought to ask me when I was hopping back on that train.  But leave it to my father to jump right in, feet first, and remind me of all my aspirations that I had.  That I have.  Sure, the economy has had somewhat of an effect on how I've approached this goal.  But that excuse can no longer be my crutch.  If that's what I want to do, then I need to get back on that horse and ride it into the sunset.  How dare I try to inspire my kids to reach for the stars when I'm still sitting here not doing the same.  That won't be the case anymore.

So, where have I been you ask?  Well, I've been right here all along.  I'm never going away.  Just refocused.  I may not be the man that I want to be, but I'm a better man than I was yesterday.  And I strive to be a better man tomorrow.  I live for you...I do for you...but I can only be is where I'll always be.

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