Saturday, August 21, 2010

When unconditional comes with conditions

Let's talk about the term "Unconditional Love" for a minute.  It's not something that can be easily described nor explained.  However, when it hits you like a ton of bricks, you know it to be true.  There is literally nothing that you wouldn't do for that person.  You can have all types of rules and protocols that you follow, yet when unconditional love is involved they all fly right out of the window. 

This condition does not come around everyday.  Sure, you may love someone.  But there is a small difference between love and unconditional love.  When you love someone, there may still be some issues that you carry with you that just won't allow you to grow together.  When it's unconditional, you not only look past those issues, you actually work together to make things work.  You accept all the flaws that make them human.  And they do the same with you.  However, how can you give them that type of affection if they find every reason to resist it?  You can't.  You can try to do all of the things that you know are best for them, but if they don't want it they wont get it.  One of the major reasons for this is because they don't realize how much they mean to you.  They carry scars of past loves that made the same promises that you now proclaim.  What would make you any different from the past loves?  Why should they believe in you when you're a man, just like the last set of losers who said the exact same words that you now throw around like Peyton?

We are all unique in our own ways.  The way that we express ourselves can be just as unique.  I try to show by my actions when I care for you.  Sometimes the words are not enough.  But it gets frustrating when that isn't recognized.  I carry myself unlike any other that I know.  When I let you in, you have so much power that it's ridiculous.  I love hard, so of course I hurt just as much.  But, I hate to exert my negative energy on her.  That's right, I said her.  She tries to be there for me, just as I try to be there for her.  And sometimes, I just won't let her.  I love her with all that I am, but I refuse to let her feel my pain.  And yes, I expect her to let me in when she's in pain.  And although I know it's unfair, that's who I've always been.  I've always been the one that hid my pain yet always wants to help you through yours.  That's my condition.  Because even though I know that she has the same unconditional love for me that I have for her, I constantly keep her in that "safe haven" that won't let her know I hurt.  I won't let her know that I'm in pain.  I've set "conditions" on our "unconditional love", and I expect her to understand.  I want her there when I want her there.  Because that's how I've carried on.  And now I see, if it's going to continue to be unconditional, I have to mend my conditions...


  1. You said a mouthful on this post! I think you hit the nail on the head. Sometimes even those of us who express ourselves well will go through this.

    As long as you can understand her...and she can understand can make it work

  2. Wow...look at you! I think what you express in this blog is so common in relationships. Be careful, bcuz you not letting her in has the potential to cause problems down the line. Women want to feel trusted with our men's hurt and want to feel the vulnerability at it's fullest the way we are willing to share. Talk abt your inability to let her in...self-awareness goes a long way. Work on it...she'll appreciate the effort.

    Great post!


  3. Oh wow I am so glad I caught Julio's (@12kyle) tweet about this post. It really hit home with a past/current situation. I would love to plagiarized this but instead I am going to use my thoughts on this and that situation it for my next post. Very insightful especially for something so common but not often separately distinguish and acknowledged.

  4. I appreciate all of your comments. It's good to be understood...