Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I don't wanna listen...

I tend to write when things are going a lil sideways.  When they are, sometimes the best solution for me is to ignore it and move forward.  That's what a lot of my life has been about...forward movement.  It's a daily struggle.  There are times when the best solution is to walk away, but I can't seem to make that move.  But when I do, I never look back.  In my wake, I have left some sour situations.  Some could have been worked out, others not so much.  And even though it hurts at the time, I am able to reflect on those moments and grow.  When you're as guarded as I am, giving can be a task all in itself.  However, I do.  However, there are 2 sides to that coin.  On the one hand, I must ultimately trust and respect you in order for me to give in.  But then, if I walk away it can make me cold.  Bitter even.  But, because I don't like to hurt loved ones, you may never know it.  This brief blog is only being written because as of this moment, I am living in a state of confusion.  And I don't like it.  This liq will only subside the distress that I am well schooled in hiding.  I don't smile much, so the average cat never knows what's going through my demented mind.  And because those who I am closest to doesn't see me on a regular, they can only speculate if there's something truly going on or am I just in one of my many moods.  I'm notorious for staying "in my lane" because I always work on things at my own pace.  At the same time, sometimes I just have a quick thought that burns my soul, and I get over it in a matter of minutes...ok, a matter of hours.  But that's mainly because I find peace in solitude.  I go to the park, or the book store, or simply take a drive to clear my head.  And when those things don't work as well as they should, I go to Best Buy or have a glass of one of my favorite spirits (you can laugh now).  When I wake up in the morning, this will be a blip on my map of life.  A rant of complete and utter nothingness.  But right now, it's soothing.

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