Speak easy...

If there's one thing that I know about myself, it's that I have gotten better over the years when it comes to communication.  There was a time when I thought I only needed to argue to get my point across.  Well, times have changed and so have I.  People may not agree with how I've started to deal with issues, but it works for me.  The art of silence...

Arguments usually lead to something being said that in a normal circumstance would not be said.  Sometimes, when we're hurting all we think about doing is hurting that person that has caused us pain.  I was notorious for being an asshole at the sake of hurting others.  But I see life in a much different light.  I tend to internalize issues.  In my mind, at least I'm not hurting anyone else.  And when I do decide to speak on things, I tread quietly.  Softly, if you will.  I don't wanna cause any waves, because I know what "could" happen if I do.  Just because I don't like to argue anymore doesn't mean that I won't.  It's one of those things that I now see as "corny".  Even in disagreement, people should be able to talk to each other in a rational sense.  The mind has a funny way of operating.  You may think you have things under control, but sometimes that mind of yours can drift to a place that you never knew existed.  And when it does, that's when you find out who you are.  How you handle things normally describes your character. 

I'll be the first to admit, my mind drifts quite often.  And when it does, I tend to think of the worse case scenarios.  That way I won't be surprised if it materializes.  I also do this so that when/if there ever becomes a time when things needs to be discussed, I can maintain my cool.  You'd be amazed at how much can be accomplished when you can just talk.  It's when you CAN'T talk that leads to disaster.  When I first decided that yelling was not the way, I used to have a notebook to scribe all my issues.  Those scribes turned into poems.  That was my outlet.  That IS my outlet.  When I can't talk about it, I write about it.  Since I've started this blog, I've opened up to some things that no one knew about me.  Here's another "confession"...I have thrown away more poems than I have in my collection.  The ones that are gone were only for that moment.  I write it, read it a week later, then tear it up.  If I could make you understand why I do that, I would be glad to.  All I can tell you is, it's therapeutic.  I've been asked to write for funerals, weddings, anniversaries, you name it.  And in doing so, I learned to communicate on a whole new level.  I can say the words, and I can show the actions.  They seemed to mean more when I wrote them.  In that regard, I felt like it would be better to also put my anger/rage into writing.  The writing has really opened the door to understanding that I can "talk" loud and "say" nothing.  It may be corny to you, but this is my way of working things out.